I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
