Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Buhtt sex?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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