my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
