I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Boobs are out for the taking
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
