Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
