it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
