well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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