i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
