my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
