He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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