Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
