Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
