shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
