it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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