do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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