Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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