Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
