It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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