Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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