I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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