Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
