omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
