I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
