i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
