I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's blow job season.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize