im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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