A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
