i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
