I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
