ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
