put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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