Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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