in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
