I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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