don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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