Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
