Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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