Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
