after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
