u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
