my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
