he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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