so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
