And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
