but the lizard people decide everything anyway
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i dont even know how to be here
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
