apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think people are normalizing furries
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
