He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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