Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
