the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
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I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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