My room smells like vodka and shame
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
