Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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