This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
