my mouth tastes like poor choices
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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