Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
