life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We need to get me chipped asap
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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