you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
