In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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