one might say we're banned from that church
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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