Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
