I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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