After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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