I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
