yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
