soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
