Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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