I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
