you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
