apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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