Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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