My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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