i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize