just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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