I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
