i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
